Read our exclusive extract from Make Life Happier, a guide for how to live a happier life, blending scientific insights with years of unique real-world experience – from ‘happiness engineer’ Dr Mark Williamson, the Founder/Director of Action for Happiness.
Finding Meaning
Where am I really heading?
I felt embarrassed. Had I really been fooling myself so badly? Having recently left corporate life, I was backpacking in India with Kate and taking some time to reflect on my future direction. The book I was reading had suggested a helpful thought experiment to get clearer about my values and priorities. This sounded good and I felt hopeful about what might emerge. But I was in for a surprise!
The idea was simple enough. I was given a list of 18 items that many people consider important in life, ranging from your income or relationships to where you live. I simply had to rank them in priority from 1–18, with the essentials at the top and things I could live without at the bottom. It forced me to think: What really matters to me? What would I make sure to protect, no matter what?
After some back-and-forth, I landed on my top six: personal growth, my partner, family, positive impact on society, friends and health. I was pleased with my list. These were the foundations that matter most in my life . . . or so I thought.
The next step was where things got uncomfortable: Imagine a private detective had been hired to watch your daily life over recent years. What would their report say your top priorities were?
Oh dear. I sat down and mapped it out – and the results were humbling.
Here was the truth: a detective reviewing my life wouldn’t have found someone prioritising personal growth, family or wellbeing. They would have seen a stressed-out consultant working long hours, chasing status, salary and professional success. The things I claimed were ‘non-negotiable’ were nowhere near the top when it came to where I’d actually been investing my time and energy.
It was another big wake-up call. I’d always thought of myself as someone who cared about making a difference and who valued relationships over career ambition. But my actions told a different story. Perhaps it was no wonder my life had been feeling a bit meaningless.
So this became the next step in my Good Life Crisis and led to a conscious decision to refocus on loved ones and meaningful projects. I’ve also tried to go back to this exercise every few years, revisiting my priorities and checking to see how well my current actions match them. Time and again, this has helped me to course-correct.
What matters most to you?
When our priorities reflect our values, life feels more meaningful. But how often do you actually stop to think about what matters most? And even when you know your priorities, are you living in a way that’s consistent with them?
Figure out what’s important
This is your chance to work out what matters most to you right now. Below is an alphabetical list of 18 items people often consider to be important in life.
- Family
- Friends
- Health and fitness
- Income
- Independence
- Influence and power
- Making use of talents
- Personal growth
- Positive impact on society
- Prestige and status
- Professional growth
- Security
- Spirituality/faith
- Spouse/partner
- Stimulating/rewarding work
- Time for leisure and relaxation
- Wealth/savings
- Where you live
Now, find a quiet place where you can think, free from distractions. Your challenge is to put these items in order, based on your priorities at this point in your life. No ties or mergers allowed! Remember, choosing priorities involves making trade-offs and deciding which things you’re willing to compromise on in order to make the important stuff happen.
